There is no shortage of books and other information on effective leadership. Theories come and go, but research has given us a fairly clear picture of the traits, behaviors and attitudes of good leaders. We intuitively know a good leader when we see one, or if we are lucky enough, when we work with one.
So, in spite of all of the books, courses, workshops and conferences about leadership, how come many of us still struggle with being a good leader? My quick answer is that we focus too much on competency development and not enough on cognitive development.
Competency development (abilities, skills, behaviors) is absolutely necessary for leadership. For example, if you want to learn how to communicate assertively, you can attend a workshop or read a book on assertive communication. By doing so, you will learn the characteristics of assertive communicators (use "I" statements, focus on the issue instead of the person, etc.). It is possible that once you learn about "I" statements, you start using them. However, we know it is not usually easy to change long-standing habits. Why? Because to change a long-standing habit, our thinking has to change and expand.
Let's say that despite your attendance at the assertive communications workshop, you are having trouble using "I" statements and you aren't really sure why. You may notice some trepidation about using these statements. Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey at Harvard University have studied for over twenty years why we have a hard time changing. They have discovered that hidden fears can compete with conscious commitments. To use our example, your conscious commitment is to use "I" statements. However, you may be unaware of a hidden fear of making people angry if you become more assertive. Once you become fully aware of this fear, you can test it for validity. Often, just uncovering the fear will limit its power. The process of uncovering hidden fears is an example of cognitive development - your thinking about yourself and your world was changed and expanded.
One of the things I love about leadership coaching is that it fosters cognitive development. Nothing makes me more excited than to see or hear a client have an A-Ha moment and watch them make substantive changes in their thinking; which leads to behavior change. Think about a behavior you would like to change, but have experienced difficulty in doing so. What is stopping you from making the change? Be sure to look beyond knowledge-based solutions and go deeper.